You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
