ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
