the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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