i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I think i got beer on your cat.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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