He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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