woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
