you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
