I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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