but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
