So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
