Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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