guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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