Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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