dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
