Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Lo siento on account of my penis...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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