After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
