Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
