i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
