I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
honey bunches of taint.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
