i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
