Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
