She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
