I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
