I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
