Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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