I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
