Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
