Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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