come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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