I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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