Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize