Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
