you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
