you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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