When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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