Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
