I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
