Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She told me I should be a condom model.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
my poor anus
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
