oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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