I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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