I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
