I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
