if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
