I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
