You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
