you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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