I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
