I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
