so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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