you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
