OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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