mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My vagina is officially offended.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
