I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The Olympian is in my bed
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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