There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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