i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize