Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
