So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize