Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
