Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
