Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
