I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
