if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
