I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
