The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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