What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
