just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
