Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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