and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
They are going to name an STD after you.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
