it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
