our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
