Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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