so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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