I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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