I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
