dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
