I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
