I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
